Principles for Caring Conversation
When someone is struggling or feeling overloaded, the small things we do or say can make a big difference and help us hold space.
We love Bea Smith's principles of caring communication.
Be curious. Rather than asking 'what's wrong with you?' Another way is to ask questions like ‘How did this start?'’ where did these feelings come from?’.
Compassion. Upsetting experiences come in many forms and affect all of us differently. Stay open-minded to other people's individual experiences and interpretations.
Consciousness. Triggers and biases can be unconsciously held, and we might not realise them until they appear. There's always room for more awareness of what triggers us and others.
Consideration. Respecting another person's preferences and boundaries where possible and validating their perspectives and needs allows them to feel understood.
Choice. Being flexible through presenting options and allowing changes gives people a sense of control and autonomy. This is especially important for someone who has felt they've had none.
Collaboration. Strive to see everyone as equal value instead of one person as superior. We all have strengths and something to teach and learn from one another.
Clarity. Be as straightforward as possible. We trust when we know what's ahead and that people are on our side.
Consistency. Behaviour and words that don’t match can confuse and decrease trust. Let's try to do what we said we would or follow up with why we didn't.
Calmness. We can learn to master initial impulsive reactions and model better responses. By doing so, one day, we could be that safe space for someone at a time they don't feel safe. There’s nothing wrong with taking a moment to breathe before we respond.
